I’ve been liking this guy for the past few months now (4-5 months since March). His name is Reginald. Ok to begin with I have no fucking idea why I even like the dude. I ask myself, is this love? Or is it just because I’m fascinated by him and see him as a subject for psychological experimentation, ok maybe not but what if its only because I think of this life like a case analysis and that’s why I am drawn toward him? But why him? Why not someone else?
Let me describe his attitude for you yeah? He’s Quiet, rarely talks to anyone unless that person is his close friend. He doesn’t establish eye contact, specially when I talk to him. He seems shy. Its just, this guy isn’t really popular at school, he’s the kind who would just blend in the crowd. I’m the total opposite, I’m loud and I stand out in ways that isn’t really that good because somehow I have developed the reputation for being “WEIRD”. No one likes being with the weird girl…
And blam! Thats where all the feels begin. Is there something wrong with me? Am I ugly? Undesirable? Am I… What is it? What is it that people hate about me? Okay… Maybe its because I’m annoying? Regi called me that. He called me annoying. So yeah, I swore never to engage in lengthy conversations with him again. Even if I sorta like him, even if its painful steering yourself away from someone because they don’t like to be around you.
Am I too much to handle? Am I… just… not good enough? Am I… Disliked? Am I… Unwanted? Am I… Shameful to be with? Am I?
*Sigh*
Is there something wrong with me? Do I need to change? I have been trying! FOR FUCKS SAKE I HAVE. And its seems like nothing is changing, I’m still me. I’m still the person people don’t fancy being acquainted with. Its painful. That’s why I hate liking someone I just fucking hate it. It crushes my inside like a hammer to a glass figurine.